SurrogacyIndia’s focus is in fertility, not infertility. Making babies, is possible. ‘Possible’ is what we believe in.


Friday, May 15, 2015

Surrogacy: One Woman's Story of Love

When Heather Spencer of Palmyra, Pennsylvania tells people this bump doesn't belong to her - she get's a lot of blank stares.

    Then the comments start.

"I've had one person tell me that I must not love my children and how could I give a child away.  That I must not understand what having love for a child is, if I can carry a child and not be attached to it."

    Spencer is a gestational carrier for a same sex couple - meaning she's carrying someone else's child.

"There is traditional surrogacy where they use the surrogates egg and maybe the sperm from the husband or the other partner.  With gestational carriers there is no biological connection.  It's not my egg.  It's not connected to me in anyway, we use a donor egg."

    The mother of two beautiful little girls says birthing a child for a couple who can't have one is something she has always longed to do.

"I just feel like everybody deserves a family that wants one.  As long as they are going to be good parents, I think that they deserve to have a child."

    After watching a co-worker go through the heartbreak of infertility she decided it was time for her to give the ultimate gift.

    And in 2013 with her husband by her side, they started what would turn out to be a nearly 2 year long ordeal.

"He knew it was always something that I wanted to do and we had placed it on the back burner because he was concerned about if something were to happen to me having a child for someone else, it would be very difficult for him."

    In 2014 after weeks of medications and doctor exams, followed by 4 different attempts to implant an embryo -- one finally took.

"It's just like having a pap done.  They have an ultrasound on top of your belly.  One of the nurses has the ultrasound showing the probes going in and you can see the flashes of the embryos coming out."

 Heather says the surrogate process isn't for everyone and she has heard her fair share of negative comments, but she says for her and her family the process just felt right."

    And throughout the pregnancy the Spencer's are spending a lot of time getting to know the expecting parents so when it comes time her girls, especially her 6-year-old  will know who the baby belongs to.

"We try to spend a lot of time with the couple, so that she recognizes who the baby is going to and she recognizes that we are not keeping the baby and she is very happy with that because she does not want to be a big sister."

    But I had to ask -- just like we see on T-V -- does it ever occur to her to *not* give the baby up.

    Spencer says she's never heard about that happening in real life and in her case she stays detached knowing it's not her child.

"When we talk about not being attached to the child a lot of people think we are being harsh or cold-hearted in some way, but it's kind of the way you have to be wired, because if you are not it's just going to hurt too bad."

    She's not sure how she will feel after the baby is born.
     But she says once the child is in it's parent's arms -- she is confident she'll feel content.

"Ultimately that's my end goal is to see them see the baby for the first time because I feel like that will close it all for me and I can just see it."
Heather is due memorial day weekend.
     She says this is not for everyone -- she and her husband had to go through an extensive psychological process.

       But she'll do it one more time to give the same couple another baby  so this baby can have a sibling.


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