Marriage vs Egg Donation

Family is by chance, friend is by choice. Who has not heard about this quote and does not understand the importance of choosing your friends.

Whereas the marriage could stand for “making a family by choice”. Whether we refer to the older generation where only parents were allowed to “choose” bride / groom, or the present generation where the individual chooses a “friend” to become a “family”; Choice is an integral part of forming a family.

Infertility is no more a taboo, it is “just” a medical condition like any other, may it be headache, gastritis, poor eyesight, etc. Yes, it took a long time for the Indian culture to open its arms for IVF treatments, but couples are ready to talk about it, discuss, look at options, and choose the best option available.

We remember a beautiful story of a couple:

Couple finding it difficult to conceive, the Husband asks his wife, if she wanted to have her own genetic child or have her family, complete? This question made it so easy for the wife to accept the egg donor concept. Women who needs to identify something in her child, could choose for some characteristics like intelligence or skin tone (as she cannot see / know the egg donor). This only helps her to connect with the child during growing years, and not live in the shadows of “donor”.

If today’s women, who are educated, self-sufficient, confident, financially independent, come across infertility, don’t they have a right to choose their own path? May it be IVF treatments, adoption, or going for sperm donor / egg donor process. If a woman is being “strong” and ready to accept help to complete her motherhood, doesn’t she has right to accept a match like her? Are these choices limited only to marriage?

Every patient of mine has always said that whatever they can Compensate the donor with is less. We understand what it means. The donor was the reason the woman is a mother today.

ICMR has already laid down a Bill, stating who and how the advertisement can be released. The bill allows the donor to be compensated, and to ensure her details need to be kept confidential.

Let’s support these beautiful women, when they choose to outsource their biggest traumas, their own path, and accept egg donation to complete family. And The egg donors, who understand these women’s traumas and help them.

Empathy is about standing in someone else's shoes, feeling with his or her heart, seeing with his or her eyes. Not only is empathy hard to outsource and automate, but it makes the world a better place.

Daniel H. Pink